You're Nobody Until Somebody Loves You.

I was listening to Ingrid Michaelson and this line from the song "Are We There Yet" struck me.

They say you're really not somebody
Until somebody else loves you
Well, I am waiting to make somebody
Somebody soon

So often we feel for ourselves. We are usually the first person we think about. You're nobody till somebody loves you is kinda a crappy phrase. We're supposed to be people even if there isn't someone loving us. But the truth is that there are probably people loving us, even if we don't always feel it, and I think there is a lot of truth to the idea that we really don't feel like somebody until somebody loves us.

I know that I am supposed to do things and be useful no matter what other people think of me. My validity as a useful person should not depend on other people's opinion. I like this meme I found a while ago:

It's a useful reminder to me. But here's a question: does our value increase if someone does see our worth?

I probably shouldn't mind so much what people think of me. But on the other hand, "Man is born, not for the sake of himself but for the sake of others" so my value and usefulness to other people should matter!

I know what it's all getting at. If people can't see your value you still need to keep moving forward and trying and all that, but I also think, no, I know that when other people value me I feel way more inspired.

This blog for one. If I am writing merely as an outlet for my thoughts, that's helpful to me. I process by writing and come out better for it, but when I know that other people read and are affected by what I write I am way more inspired to write.

In any area of my life, if I receive great encouragement, I feel way more valuable and my productivity increases and I become more valuable to other people and to my self.

So, back to Ingrid Michaelson, or really further back. I'm not gonna look up the origin of that phrase just now. So are we anybody if we're not loved? Well, short story, the Lord loves us, so we are loved and we are somebody! "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you!"

But I also want to look at the second half of that stanza.

Well, I am waiting to make somebody
Somebody soon

This is the part that really stuck me.

It's easy to feel that we want people in our lives because they love and encourage us, it's another thing entirely to be that for someone else. I can't always tell if I'm doing a good job of supporting and encouraging my friends, but the times when I can help out a friend or a stranger is when I feel truly human.

And my heart feels...

Sometimes my heart wants out of my chest. Because it is full and cannot fit and it’s this excited bubbling feeling. Sometimes it wants out because it’s sick and tired of feeling and just wants to run away. I want to run with it to a place where I don’t have to care.

Where I don’t have to care about all the pain in the world. The innocent people afflicted with sickness, the friends fighting and fighting and continually being assailed by the hells.

I can feel my heart trying to escape. It is easier to shut it down and hide it away from hurt. But that is a miserable existence. More miserable than the ache that is ripping my chest in two. I can feel my heart trying to shatter into all the shards. But it is stronger than that. I hear a voice saying “Just a little longer!”

And I believe it. My heart begins to settle. It’s not trying to get away. It is starting to feel safe.

Moments ago it was trying to run away. To avoid the pain but also to avoid getting trapped in. For a moment I could see from inside my heart. Trapped in a dark box watching as the lid threatened to close. I could see the sliver of light as I threatened to lock my heart away in safety. But it pushed back.

“Let me feel! I am strong enough to feel. I don’t want to live in this safe and dark box. I want to breathe! Let me go!”

And my heart feels safe. It is being protected by a force I cannot see. But the walls around it are not dark and cold. They are golden and yielding.

And my heart feels safe. Someone is holding it gently, encouraging it, letting me breathe. The air returns to my lungs and I can feel my heart in my chest. It is no longer trying to escape. It knows it belongs. It is where it’s supposed to be. It’s not hiding. It’s not broken. It’s mending with golden light.

And my heart feels safe.

Broken.

It has been an emotional couple of days. I wrote about the burden of joy a few days ago, and then continued on to have a lovely weekend full of friends and good food. Kempton for autumn weekends. Riding an old timey train with some excited and cute niecephews. Lots of fantastic times with friends and family.

Monday was rougher. I heard some hard news about a child I used to babysit. She is one of the cutest children and I spent most of Monday unable to keep myself from crying. My eyes sting today with the pain of yesterday's tears.

I'm supposed to be working on another article but I cannot focus. I love writing and I hate editing. I like the freedom of a blog post for writing about anything. No theme. No thesis, but bumbling thoughts with no plan. I never edit my blog posts, other than occasionally glancing over for typos.

I hate that life has to be hard. One thing going wrong makes me feel a fear in all areas of life. Everything is up in the air and trust goes out the window. I want to say that one bad thing doesn't makes me trust the Lord less, but the feeling on my heart 3 days ago was peace and confidence in Him, and I still trust Him, but I don't feel very peaceful about it. It's not begrudging confidence, it's just not peaceful and happy.

And it makes me fear every possible thing. So, that's not really trust, is it?

I guess I'm ashamed to say that one child being sick makes my trust in the Lord falter. That's not something I care to admit, even just to myself, so here I am, processing my feelings on my blog, and admitting them to you, and figuring this out for myself at the same time.

I don't even want to write it, but today, if I'm really examining the thoughts rattling around in my head, I don't trust the Lord today. I don't hear Him, and I don't think His plan is safe.

Oof! What a thing to admit! What a broken lack of confidence! But writing takes honesty. Examining and recognizing these thoughts is the only way to get back to Him.

And of course, I know that the bad things are NOT His plan, but today I am hating freedom. I am hating that spiritual freedom allows innocent people to be harmed.

And that is not trust. It is doubting His eternal plan. It is doubt. It is fear. It is frustration and pain.

In September I wrote about wishing to trade places with others or wishing I could take their pain away, even if it meant taking it on myself, and I feel the same today.

It's cliche, but all I can think is that it's not fair. It doesn't make sense, and I am done with hell attacking people I love. I want to protect, and I just can't. It's too much. There is no solution.

The burden of joy.

I think I'm a better writer when I'm sitting in a little bit of angst. When something gets under my skin the way to get it out is to write it out.

It's not always true, but I'm noticing a pattern. In fiction and in journaling when things are well I'm like "The sun is shining. October is beautiful. Life is great!" which there's nothing wrong with. I like being happy! But I just don't churn out words the same way.

When I'm processing some minor or large hurt I think my writing develops a bit of crunch to it that allows me to delve a little deeper into my soul.

And that isn't to say that hard things are deeper than happier things, but they do seem to be easier to write about.

Random thought: are hard things more vulnerable than happy things? Or are the really, truly happy things so locked up behind my vulnerability barrier that they never get written about?

It can definitely be hard to write or talk about a lovely hope, for fear of jinxing it, or someone bursting that bubble.

So maybe the bestest, truest happies are far more vulnerable than the sads. I don't know.

Today I am happy, so my writing is more relaxed and undefined.

Like, I want to write about how heavy my heart feels. Not a burdened heavy, but a solid fullness in my heart that is weighing in a good way. I can't describe it. It's easier for me to write about something weighing me down than the burden of joy. I can't describe it.

Suffice it to say that God is good.

The choices we make

I can get bogged down in one single choice I make. Or even some thing that wasn't a choice but an accident or mistake. I'm trying to think of an example. I recently wrote about accidentally hurting someone. It really sucks how caught up I can get in one little thing. Heaping on blame isn't helpful. Sometimes it motivates us to change our ways and become better. We are supposed to hold ourselves accountable for our actions, but we don't have to hold on forever, wracked with guilt, unable to move forward.

I was struck by a beautiful piece of a story written by a friend. (You can read the whole expert here).

"We are not our injuries," she said with a measured voice. "We are not even the choices we make, for we can always make new choices."

That is what it's about, isn't it? Making new choices. Not getting stuck in guilt, but letting it be the spring board into better actions in the future!

Great Goodness.

This week has been full of great goodness. On Monday I got to catch up with a friend who always brings me out of myself. Without judgement she challenges my perspective and invites me to think from another point of view, while still accepting and cherishing my reality. It had been too long since we had connected and it was a wonderful thing that has been filling my heart.

On Monday evenings I feed dorm kids real food. One of my favorite things is hospitality! Providing a home for people, through food, friendship, warmth and laughter!

Tuesday was an interesting day. It started out with me feeling unheard and unexpectedly down and alone. That feeling led to a walk and a conversation with a great listener. While sitting on a bridge in the woods a woman came along crying. A stranger. We stopped mid conversation and turned to offer her friendship.

I embraced her as she cried. We both just held her. She told us about what was going on for her and we just listened and hugged her. We hardly said anything and just let her talk. At one point she said "You should be a grief counselor" and at another time "You give the best hugs." She apologized for interrupting and for being a stranger and I assured her that we were glad to be there for her.

You know what? Sometimes you just have to shut up and listen to someone. That's all it takes. Maybe some hugs and "I'm sorries" but people just want to be heard. Just listen.

Running into this woman in the woods changed by day and my perspective. I felt glad for the Lord's guidance and for being in the right place at the right time. I did nothing, but the Lord had me in the right place so He could work His grace.

The rest of Tuesday was a good day of connection, and trust in the Lord.

This morning I had a meeting about Christmas Tableaux/Pageant stuff. I am so excited about Christmas! I can't wait for the beauty of Christmas to settle in! After my meeting I sat in the sun at the cathedral and felt the Lord's warmth. Warmth that touched my face and shoulders, and filled up my heart.

Today I feel a solidity in the presence of the Lord. He is there. He is always there! He is here!

There is always great goodness around us if we remember to open our eyes to it.

Mansplaining

To start with, here are a few internet definitions of mansplain:

(of a man) explain (something) to someone, typically a woman, in a manner regarded as condescending or patronizing. (Wikipedia)

A derisive and condescending term insultingly used by women when referring to a man that they are in a conversation with. The man's point is derided not because his reasoning is faulty or his evidence is unreliable; his point is derided simply on the basis of his gender. (Urban Dictionary)

I'm sure there are lots of ways people use this word that are and are not covered by the above definitions.

I think the Wikipedia definition is funny, specifically this wording "in a manner regarded as condescending or patronizing." Regarded by whom?! I can find anything condescending if I want to!

Anyhow, regardless of what other people mean by it, I think it's dumb. Sorry people.

I, for one, am entirely sick of the condescending manner toward men! I don't care about the history of misogyny etc (I mean, I care, but setting that aside) it's absolutely no excuse to treat men as inferior. That's helping no one, especially not women! It's turning us into pretty unpleasant people to be around, and no WONDER women don't have much respect for the men around us when we have turned them into emasculated puppies.

This is not the world I want to live in. Sadly it is the world we live in, and I'm just gonna continue to do my part in supporting men and women in their God given strengths and loves.

Both men and women can be condescending and frustrating to talk to. Both men and women have things to offer to a conversation (I hope most people recognize that!)

And I almost forgot to say, I freaking LOVE mansplaining. Because while I value and appreciate both men and women's advice to me, there is something invaluable to me in having a man's perspective! A perspective that I, as a woman, CANNOT have. He is something that I am not, and something I value and respect because of the unique and wonderful capacities the Lord has given him.

Value your men, people. Value your men!

Life keeps getting better

I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. Meaning, sometimes I don't like to talk about things for fear of jinxing them.

But here goes anyway. Why do people ever want to have more than one 29th birthday? Can I tell you something? I was 29 once, and I don't want to be 29 again. Don't get me wrong, 29 was a pretty good year. I made an awesome movie with a friend. Yep, 29 was awesome. But there was also some pretty shitty stuff too. Well, not quite shitty, but I did sit on my doorstep one evening and cry over a boy. And I guess I continued to feel pretty miserable about how that brief relationship ended for several months.

But anyhow, the main thing I wanted to say is I turned 30 at the beginning of this year. I felt great on my birthday. I sat at home, waiting to head up to a party one of my best friends was throwing for me. And she's a sweetheart, cause it was her birthday too, and yet she threw me a party! But as I sat, waiting I pulled out my ukulele. I knew a very few basic chords and I knew how to strum up and down and that was it. Nevertheless I was in a good mood so I recorded a song.

Thus began my resolution to learn my ukulele and record at least one song a month for 2017. I think by now I recorded 21 songs. Or at least I've posted 21 snippets on instagram. And I played my ukulele at two open mic nights. I'm still not good, but I don't even care. I am better than I was and I love playing my ukulele.

Also this year I have managed to do Duolingo every single day. I'm learning Dutch in case I ever go to Belgium. Haha, what a random statement. I should probably post an entire blog post about this. But where was I?

Ah yes, this year has been great! Right at the end of 2016 a dear friend got me back into Contra dancing. Contra is amazing! I feel like it's the closest human beings will ever come to flying. I soar when I am dancing and my heart almost always explodes with happiness.

Some time in February I met a human at Contra who changed my life. That might sounds cliche or trite, but I don't know how else to put it. And maybe it is trite. "Changed my life" is too mild for what it is anyhow. Every person I meet changes my life. But this person has offered more encouragement and kindness than I knew existed.

I have loved writing my entire life. I have already written about that here, but I didn't know that I could write until this friend made me believe it. Over the course of two nights, much to my chagrin, he read aloud a story I wrote to me and another friend and they both enjoyed it so much that for the first time in my life I believed that I could write. He is the reason I started this blog. Yes, 30 has been a good year.

I already mentioned my article that was published earlier this week... I don't think I would have written that without the encouragement and support of this friend.

And my paintings. I did a month of watercolor two years ago, but this year I did a month of oils and am now working on improving my drawing skills (Yeah, so what? I go about art rather sporadically!). Oils were so much fun. So were watercolor two years ago. But this year I actually feel like an artist.

I have never allowed myself to apply terms like "writer" or "artist" to myself, because I have always considered myself mediocre at best.

This year I have decided that I don't care how good I am, I love to write. I love to draw. I love to paint. I love to play my ukulele. I don't care if I'm good at these things or not, because I love them.

I think that I can say that 30 has been the best year of my life to date. I have the best friends and so much encouragement and kindness from them. I feel inspired and full of life. I feel confidence in the Lord.

I know that life is cyclical. I go through times of being happy and great and times of life being hard, but I will keep on moving forward with the sure knowledge that the Lord is with me.

Have Confidence

I woke up at like 6:37 this morning. I was hoping to sleep in. I slept for less than 5 hours last night and I thrive on 8. I've been sick for like a week and really tired and drained. By all accounts I should be feeling pretty blah today.

But I feel amazing. Okay, I'm tired. For sure. But I got up this morning and went shopping. As I drove I marveled about how good a thing it is that I do not know the future. I don't know if random thoughts I have are correct or crazy. And that's okay. I went to Whole Foods to get more kombucha because I discovered grapefruit kombucha and it's amazing! I just found out it has sugar and caffeine... that might add to it's amazingness, but anyhow. I went shopping early on a Saturday and as I was coming out of the parking lot I ran in to a delightful father figure who swept me up in the most life giving papa bear hug and said to me "Well my day just got a lot better." And mine had too.

I decided to go to Starbucks for a quick coffee and the parking lot is notoriously crowded. I waited as a lady got in to her car and pulled out. I took her spot, got my coffee and then returned to my car. Just as I had waited, there was a car waiting for my spot. I cautiously backed out, careful not to hit them or any other cars in the over crowded lot. The person leaned on their horn for a good 30 seconds. Not a gentle "In case you didn't notice me, don't hit me." A solid, rude "Get the hell out of my way and don't you dare hit me!!" Kinda honk.

If I had been in a different mood I might have pulled back into the spot and just stayed there for awhile. But I paused, to let the person know that I had seen them, and continued my same cautious backing up, and then I pulled out of the parking lot as the car shot into my vacated spot.

I thought about how on any other day I might have been put in a kinda bummed out mood by that person's rudeness, but as I pulled out of the parking lot my thought was "I already got an amazing hug today, so I don't even need to care about that person's bad attitude.

As I was driving home, grateful for the start of this Saturday, this passage came in to my head:

"Have confidence. Arise. He calls thee." (Mark 10:49)

I feel confidence in the Lord this morning. Confidence for the future and a peaceful contentment in waiting for the amazing future He has planned for me.

Ukuleles and bad dreams

I can't sleep. I wanted to nap, but I can't sleep. I think it's in part due to a facebook message I received that I really shouldn't allow to bother me, but it does. Because the person said something like "I used to be where you are" and proceeded to tell me where I am. I don't appreciate being told where I am. That's crossing some boundaries, dudette. Don't presume to know me when you don't.

I might also not be able to nap because I had coffee this morning. Bummer. I want sleep. Also, I had a weird dream last night. Usually emotions from dreams are quite poignant and can be invasive, but this one was so low key emotionally it's almost weird to me. But I guess I'm grateful that it's not weighing on me.

In other news, I haven't played ukulele for like 3 weeks. I left my uke at home when I was away for two weeks. Guess what? It's still in tune. I love this little guy. I kinda wanna name it. I always want to name things, but it has to really stick for me to call it something. Like my car. I still haven't come up with a name for it. But I wish I could.

Anyhow, I think I'm gonna play some ukulele.

Ramblings, scattered mind

Today there are too many things to write.

I want to write about the ocean. Sitting on the beach in the morning and listening to the sound of the waves. It's one of the most peaceful things on earth and I love it.

But I also want to write about childhood and the little things that stick in your heart.

Speaking of sticking in your heart, I also want to write about hearts and feeling heard.

Also, I wrote it a while ago, but today my article was published on New Christian Woman. It's really cool to see my article resonating with others. Not even to feel that solidarity in "Oh there are others!" but to know that my article helped someone else feel heard is powerful!

I'm also feeling crazy and sporadic today cause I'm trying to figure out a lot of travel plans. I bought my bus ticket and talked to all the right people about arranging rides and everything. I just have one leg of the journey still to figure out. And I'm also looking toward Thanksgiving travel plans and the Christmas pageant because someone just sent me an email about figuring out the live animals for that. So there's just so much on my mind and so I'm feeling kinda pulled a bunch of different directions and unable to focus on just one thing. So here I am rambling boring thoughts onto my blog. I wanted to write something worthwhile today. Oh well.

Sickness and the weather

I should write. I don't want to write, and I do want to write. But also I don't want to write.

I was away for two weeks helping out a family who just had their 3rd child. I mostly did dishes and watched the 6 and 4 year old. I also got to hold the new baby a lot. It was only two weeks and it wasn't super hard or challenging work. But nevertheless my body did what it often does after being stressed and busy: plunged me into a fresh cold and enforced rest.

I get the need to slow down and rest, but I was gonna! But did I have to get sick in order to rest? Come on! It's not very restful waking up from a nap cause snot is dripping from your nose, or being unable to sleep in the first place because your head is splitting. It doesn't seem like a great system. I'd like to be able to rest and go for relaxing walks and catch up with friends, and instead I just have to stay home and be a wreck.

And the weather isn't helping. It's October 10th and I have run my air conditioning the past 3 nights because of how unbearably hot it has been in my room. Not only has it been hot it has been raining and not cool refreshing October rain, but humid sticky rain.

Today there is sunshine, but it's still too hot. I want it to be sock weather. I'm ready for socks and koselig!

Turn and Live

You know when you accidentally hurt someone? Like this past summer at the shore, I asked my nephew to ring the supper bell. This bright eyed, chipper little boy had excitement in his eyes as his high pitched voice lisped out "Otay!" and he went skipping away.

My father picked up the child so that the little one could reach the bell. But before he could ring it I turned and slammed the swinging door full into the nephew's head.

I watched the look on his face. He felt betrayed. His little face got pinker and more wrinkled before he let out the wail of pain.

My heart split. I had caused this sweet little nephew pain. I had JUST told him to ring the bell, and two seconds later I had forgotten and thoughtlessly swung the door right into him (I hate swinging doors!)

Luckily my dad was holding the distraught child and was able to comfort him and return him to his mother, but I followed apologizing profusely and feeling horrible.

If it had merely been an accident, and I hadn't known he was there, I'm sure I would have felt pretty bad about it, but I had set him up to be hurt, and one second more of thought would have prevented it from happening in the first place.

So there are two ways I want to go with this story. One: just spending a second more thinking before speaking or acting would save me so many blunders. Why must I be in such a hurry that I don't pay attention?

And 2: I felt horrible. Obviously the following would not occur with a two year old child, but what if I had followed the injured party looking for forgiveness for my blunder and instead of giving him the comfort and apology, he had had to turn around and assure me repeatedly that he was okay and that I shouldn't feel bad and that it wasn't that big a deal and not to worry, and he had spent the next ten minutes comforting me instead of the other way around?

So when I say something thoughtless to a friend, at least two things happen. I wish that I had taken the time to consider before speaking, and I end up needing lots of reassurance that it wasn't so bad and I shouldn't feel guilty about it.

I definitely overthink and overanalyze which is why I wonder if blogging is even healthy for me. I should stop thinking and just spew thoughts on to my blog without thinking. Wait! That's what gets me in to trouble, not thinking before speaking.

So I get caught in this vicious cycle of wishing that I would think before acting, overanalyzing bad choices, wishing I didn't think so much, wishing I was more thoughtful, and on and on it goes.

It's right back to my previous post about turning everything to me. You have a problem? Let me make this about me. "What I do?" "Your pain is making me hurt." Every. Single. Thing. I can make it about me.

I need repentance. But then I need to get out of this dark hole and stop dwelling in sin. The Lord wants us to repent of our evils, but he doesn't want us to live in crippling regrets about our past evils or even mistakes. He wants us to have new hearts and to live!

"Cast from you all your transgressions, whereby you have transgressed, and make you a new heart and a new spirit; for why will you die, O house of Israel? For I have no delight in the death of him who dies, says the Lord Jehovih; wherefore turn back, and live ye." Ezekiel 18:31-32

Actions and motives

Is blogging unhealthy for me?

Sometimes I feel like blogging is a great outlet for me to verbally process things that might otherwise me spewed at someone's ears. I love writing and figuring out my thoughts through writing. I also love verbal processing and just talking through my thoughts.

These are both really useful for me. But how egocentric are they? I think I worry too much, but sometimes it's good to be aware of my selfish tendencies so that I can shun them.

I write for myself. Plain and simple I need an outlet to write and so I get on my blog and start rambling, and sometimes I hit upon something deep and I do hope that my thoughts could be of use to someone else. But too often I hope that they will be useful for someone else... so that they can understand ME better.

Do I want people to read my blog because I think it will be helpful to them or to me? Do I paint so that other people can admire me and my talents or so that I can bring life and joy to other people?

I definitely overanalyze. Usually after a little "Argh! I'm selfish. Who am I doing this for? What's the point of this or that?" I just step back and think: Is it the right thing to do? Am I serving the Lord? Am I repenting? Am I becoming a better person or a more selfish one? Am I following the Lord? And I doing the right thing?

It is important to notice our motives, but most of all it is important to notice our actions and if the actions are good and moral we should do them, even if we ARE doing them for fame, glory, praise or whatever.

Sure, sometimes we need to take a break from certain actions if we can't find a way to change our motives.

I shouldn't write and write and write and become more self centered and evil as I go, even if somehow my writing IS useful to others. But the real deal is that if I were not working on myself and shunning evils in my life my writing would become worse and worse and less interesting or meaningful to others.

So, long story short, I should keep writing because I think it is useful. And I should continue to examine my motives and shun evils as sins against the Lord.

Do it now.

Don't wait until you have time or energy.

I have to remind myself of this. I could be called to work in less than two minutes. My schedule is such right now that I am on call starting at 9, but I might not be called until 10.

It's so easy to think that I don't have time to write or I don't have time to paint or draw. Because I could be called away in one minute.

I could do something easier to stop in the middle of. I could read. But I want to write. And I want to draw. Just start something. Who cares if there's time? You know what's even easier to stop in the middle of then reading? Numbing Facebook scrolling. Waste. Of. Time. I do that WAY too often because there's just not time for anything else. I have this little device in my hand that I can even scroll through while doing dishes or loading the dishwasher. Maybe I can train myself to sketch while loading the dishwasher! Wouldn't that be something?

I don't need time to start something. Just start it!

When I am working on my novel I sometimes purposefully leave off mid sentence so that when I come back I am finishing a thought rather than starting from zero.

I need to draw something today. It can be a doodle. That's my October goal. Draw something every day. It can be a 2 second drawing, but I'd rather it be something more.

I am just starting to read the book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. I hope it will give me some helpful tips and stuff. But sometimes I only have enough time to draw, not to read too. And I want to read the book before I start drawing, but that's not how it works. I cannot put stuff off just cause I'm not good at it yet or perfect yet. There's a sentence in the book that says "People even feel that they shouldn't take a drawing course because they don't know already how to draw."

Yep! I can't draw or paint cause I don't yet know how to. Great logic, Alison. So I will draw. I will write. I will paint. Who even cares if I'm good at it?

As I was reading the other day, I was looking at the words and the letters and marveling that I can read. It's a gift I often take for granted. But as I was reading I was thinking about reading, and that I can learn and consume knowledge because I can read.

I try not to take things for granted. It's really incredible when I can just be excited about things each day. I'm going to try to choose today and make the most of it!

Balanced Life

I just stumbled upon this poem. I will let it speak for itself.

Everything is about me.

As it turns out there is no one I like to think about, talk about, hear about, complain about, or care about than myself.

I am my absolute favorite person. Some worry or concern someone else is having? Whammo! It's about me. The conversion rate of it being about them to being about me is really fast. Like sometimes a matter of seconds.

I think I need to watch this video again.

Bah. I have more to say. Cause I can talk about me for hours and hours. But I ran out of time.

Ah, maybe I don't need to say much more. That video says it all. And quite well too.