Morning Drivel

Nothing like early morning airport runs to get the mind going. Actually, on a Friday morning, even at 5:30am, the traffic isn't very pretty and so a lot of energy goes into navigating merging and other drivers' questionable choices. It's not really a reflective time. But I've been awake for over 3 hours and don't have time to nap before work so why not write something on my neglected blog? At this hour, on this fuzzy brain it will either be boring drivel or I'll stumble upon something brilliant that my mind can't comprehend. I'm betting on the former, but who knows? Monkeys haven't yet typed the complete works of William Shakespeare, right? So maybe there's no basis for believing that I could stumble upon some wisdom. Though I do hope that I am somewhat more advanced than a monkey with a typewriter.

Speaking of the Shakespeare, some of my cool friends are doing The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, abridged. It's going to be hilarious, and it's Shakespeare so it's also going to be off-color so probably don't bring your kids. But bring yourself because it's hilarious. I read it and even reading it on my own I laughed aloud. I couldn't say "laughed out loud" because then everyone just thinks "lol" which essentially means "oh, mildly funny." But this is actually funny. Spoiler alert, they do Hamlet in 5 minutes, and also less. They do the complete works in an hour and a half! (Link for more info!)

Anyhow, what was I saying? Oh, nothing. Right. I am writing for the sake of writing and I don't have anything profound to say so I'll continue on with my pointless drivel. 

I like Kempton. I like my niecephews. I like the cute childrens who aren't even my niecephews. I like rainstorms. I like crisp fall air with those piercing blue skies. 

I just found out that there are people who actually like humidity. I mean, I have heard of people who tolerate it and manage to enjoy summer despite it. I can understand that... a little. But some people only like moist heat. I, on the other hand, can only stand dry heat. I love dry heat. I loved California! Humidity is most foul. Apparently some people like it. Some people like fish too. 

I still haven't killed very much time. I guess I shouldn't kill time. It's handy stuff and I could move on to painting or just go to work early. P.S. I love painting.

Coffee and my journal (which I did not paint)

Done = Art

I am hiding. Hiding from ideas. Hiding from writing. You might see me posting daily paintings and that might look like I'm doing something and not being afraid. But I am still just as afraid as I was yesterday. But when I decide to do something, I do it. If I say that I'm going to post a painting a day, I'll post a painting a day, even if I hate the painting. I should probably have a blog month too, where I have to post every day even if it's terrible.

Everything feels terrible. That's not even the slightest bit true. I actually love life so much right now. It is cold and rainy. Positivity weather for me. I love it! I have a new job. It's an adjustment to my life but I love that too. Everything is pretty fantastic so why did I say it feels terrible?

Because no matter how much I am loving life I still think that my writing and painting is no good. Which is just ridiculous. Because guess what, I am painting and I wasn't before. That is good. I am writing. I wasn't before. That is good. My paintings today are not Monet or van Gogh. But they are mine and they are better than they were a year ago. And they are better than nothing.

The paintings are mine and I take great joy and pride in my paintings. Let me tell you something, I love paint! I love the way it feels when I get it on my hands. I love watching something fluid go smoothly on and how it layers and dries.

But I hide from all of these joys because I am not yet da Vinci. It is scary to share mediocre work and pretend that it is good. But I have to remember that it is not pretending. Of course it's not master work. But it is work. And I love it. I care a lot that other people like it too, but I am trying to not value my paintings on the amount of likes they get. I am allowed to love a painting that got 3 likes even if another got 53. I am allowed to love my work and that is not vanity.

People talk about artists gifts. They call certain artists "gifted."

But I have another secret for you, it is true that some things come more naturally to some than to others, but sometimes to call what someone does "a gift" negates the hours of work they put in to get to that level. The artists true gift is the gift of perseverance. Not giving up even when they feel blocked and uninspired.

And that is the gift that I am struggling with. I may not be a gifted writer or a gifted painter, but the Lord gave me perseverance and dedication. I can be pretty bad at motivating myself, but if I set myself a task I will do it. Which is why I often set myself small tasks, because they are attainable. I can't set myself a task that I might not be able to achieve, not because I'm a perfectionist but because I have to believe it is doable. Setting a goal of a painting a day is achievable because I can put a splat of paint on a canvas and call it done. Done = Art.

But if I set myself the goal of becoming something, or achieving some level of skill then I don't know that I can do that and I will stop before I begin. Art is attainable. Writing is attainable. It doesn't have to be good; it has to be done.

"I will take care of the quantity; He will take care of the quality." - Julia Cameron