How To Deal With A Difficult Nalison: a useless instruction manual.

Sometimes I'm afraid of admitting a solution to something for fear that someone will throw it in my face when all I want to do is complain.

I probably complain too much, but sometimes you gotta vent. And I when I want to vent I'm not looking for solutions. I'm not looking for advice, I just want to be acknowledged. I want someone to realize that I'm having a tough time.

I have a lot of nieces, so you won't know who I'm talking about. But recently one of my nieces was worrying about her alarm not going off, not waking up in time, not being ready and she was concerned.

It was obvious to any adult that these were not as life threatening as she thought them. An adult can recognize that she was tired and just needed to go to sleep and everything would be better. Said child was reassured that it was going to be okay. They would wake her up. She wouldn't miss anything. Nothing that awful was going to happen. But she was sure the world was ending.

But you know what? I so relate. I am a little older than my niece. While others might recognize sooner than I what my problem is, I often recognize it too. But I don't want to admit it.

I start feeling sullen and upset and I realize that I didn't eat breakfast, or lunch. I am hangry. Someone else might realize this, but a wise person would not suggest "Hey, Alison, when was the last time you ate something?" because they might get their fingers bitten off.

I was sick for the second half of December until nowish. Still recovering. Been so exhausted and had no energy to do anything. Not moving, not doing anything is a perfect recipe for feeling like utter crap. Physically and emotionally.

A smart person might realize that I need to get out on a walk, or listen to music, or any number of things. A wise person would not suggest this for fear of getting yelled at.

So, if a Nalison is being difficult, what IS the proper procedure?

Well, if I told you, you'd probably suggest it to me when I was upset and then I'd be furious at you and then I'd just feel worse for being mad and for snapping at you.

Sometimes I need food, sometimes I need music, sometimes I need walks and dancing, and I always need hugs. I want to feel heard. I want my feelings listened to, not dismissed.


This blog post has probably come across as a whiny self-serving post, and it probably isn't even serving me that well. Cause you know what? When you friend is being a jerk you DO just want to say "Shut up and get over yourself!" When your child is crying over spilled milk, or faulty alarm clocks, you are fairly justified in telling them that they don't get to whine about it. I'm not criticizing the parent who tells their kid to get over something trivial.

I think that my point is that even if you can see that something is trivial, it doesn't feel trivial in the moment, to the child or to the thirty year old woman.

Turn and Live

You know when you accidentally hurt someone? Like this past summer at the shore, I asked my nephew to ring the supper bell. This bright eyed, chipper little boy had excitement in his eyes as his high pitched voice lisped out "Otay!" and he went skipping away.

My father picked up the child so that the little one could reach the bell. But before he could ring it I turned and slammed the swinging door full into the nephew's head.

I watched the look on his face. He felt betrayed. His little face got pinker and more wrinkled before he let out the wail of pain.

My heart split. I had caused this sweet little nephew pain. I had JUST told him to ring the bell, and two seconds later I had forgotten and thoughtlessly swung the door right into him (I hate swinging doors!)

Luckily my dad was holding the distraught child and was able to comfort him and return him to his mother, but I followed apologizing profusely and feeling horrible.

If it had merely been an accident, and I hadn't known he was there, I'm sure I would have felt pretty bad about it, but I had set him up to be hurt, and one second more of thought would have prevented it from happening in the first place.

So there are two ways I want to go with this story. One: just spending a second more thinking before speaking or acting would save me so many blunders. Why must I be in such a hurry that I don't pay attention?

And 2: I felt horrible. Obviously the following would not occur with a two year old child, but what if I had followed the injured party looking for forgiveness for my blunder and instead of giving him the comfort and apology, he had had to turn around and assure me repeatedly that he was okay and that I shouldn't feel bad and that it wasn't that big a deal and not to worry, and he had spent the next ten minutes comforting me instead of the other way around?

So when I say something thoughtless to a friend, at least two things happen. I wish that I had taken the time to consider before speaking, and I end up needing lots of reassurance that it wasn't so bad and I shouldn't feel guilty about it.

I definitely overthink and overanalyze which is why I wonder if blogging is even healthy for me. I should stop thinking and just spew thoughts on to my blog without thinking. Wait! That's what gets me in to trouble, not thinking before speaking.

So I get caught in this vicious cycle of wishing that I would think before acting, overanalyzing bad choices, wishing I didn't think so much, wishing I was more thoughtful, and on and on it goes.

It's right back to my previous post about turning everything to me. You have a problem? Let me make this about me. "What I do?" "Your pain is making me hurt." Every. Single. Thing. I can make it about me.

I need repentance. But then I need to get out of this dark hole and stop dwelling in sin. The Lord wants us to repent of our evils, but he doesn't want us to live in crippling regrets about our past evils or even mistakes. He wants us to have new hearts and to live!

"Cast from you all your transgressions, whereby you have transgressed, and make you a new heart and a new spirit; for why will you die, O house of Israel? For I have no delight in the death of him who dies, says the Lord Jehovih; wherefore turn back, and live ye." Ezekiel 18:31-32

You can't hug a goldfish

I cleaned my room! I still need to organize some shelves, but the floor is totally clean, all laundry is stowed, and my desk is nearly empty! It feels very good to walk into my room.

But yesterday my sister in law got gold fish, and as crazy as it is, it made me feel lonely. I was struck with a desire to have goldfish too. Maybe a couple goldfish in a bowl on my desk for companionship. Then I remembered how much I don't like fish and that maybe I should get a cat. I've never considered having a pet before. But today I was struck with an overwhelming desire to have a kitten. I could just picture the little fuzzball curled up on my lap or playing in my room.

Then I remembered that I have severe cat allergies. But even now there is a window opened on my browser for hypoallergenic cats. But I know it's not realistic. Hypoallergenic cats aren't allergen free and can still cause problems.

Because I know I have allergies I've never spent any time wondering about cats or dogs. So why now? Is there something inherent in single women in their 30s that just says "Ok. Time to give up and become a cat lady!" ??

I know that this has been brought on from E.A.S (Empty Arms Syndrome). After a week at the shore with kids, including my 2 month old niece, I am missing holding that little baby. I just want to snuggle some cute little things. I think I am feeling hug deprived. Good thing one of my best hugs friends is coming to visit in less than a week! Huzzah! I just need all the hugs.

Throw out the plan, stick to the Plan

I'm at the shore! It's only been a day and it feels much longer. Some things shifted the entire schedule today which normally would stress me out. It's day one and the schedule I spent a bit of time orchestrating is already thrown out. I normally would be kinda frazzled, but I'm at the shore, with lovely humans so it's really so much easier to go with the flow and make everything work.

Secondly, I mediated a few disputes about stolen matchbox cars and chalk drawn roads and feel pretty pleased about that too. The kids weren't listening to each other and I didn't fix it, I made them talk to each other and listen and I think it worked.

At one point one of the kids yelled something like "He shouldn't be mad!" and it just got me thinking about my "Are all feelings valid?" post that I'm still working on and hope to post soon!

I don't know why I think that life is so good, but it is. It really is just wonderful! I have wonderful family, wonderful friends, and I am currently in one of the most lovely places on earth! I feel quite happy with the Plan today.