Don't Get Stuck.

I write a lot of crap. I should probably start writing a draft of something and then deleting it and writing something better. But then I get into these weird mind games of perfection and if this or that is good enough. And that was the point of starting a blog in the first place. To avoid this feeling that I have to be perfect.

"Write out the crap," a friend once told me. Well, I've been writing crap for months, waiting for some breakthrough and inspirational piece that is mind-blowingly awesome. But that's just me being too goal oriented again and not enjoying the process.

I love to paint. I've been trying to paint out the crap too. Most of the time I paint random blobs of color and smears and call it "playing with paint" but even that has begun to feel like a cop out or something. I like to call it playing with paint because it relieves some of the pressure of it being art.

I'm not an artist. I'm not a writer. I'm just an ordinary person who writes words down, and who plays with paint on a canvas.

That's what an artist or writer does.

Yeah but they have skills.

So do you.

Not like them.

Don't you think that at one point they said the same things to themselves? If everyone let their self-doubt get in the way we wouldn't have any writers, artists, musicians, cooks, parents... people who do anything.

I don't want to become cocky and arrogant. I hate the idea of claiming that I have talents because it feels so bloody conceited.

You know what's even more bloody conceited? Saying no to the Lord's gifts.

I am allowed to play with paint. I am allowed to call myself an artist. I am allowed to write crap and I am allowed to call myself an author.

Because the Lord gave me talents and He asks me to use them. It isn't arrogant to thank the Lord for His gifts by using them. Using them to restore my soul, to unwind, to brighten other peoples' lives.

I'm pretty sure He wants us to be doing things. Because it's a lot easier to lead someone who is moving than one who is sitting and waiting to be moved.

But wait, in my very last blog post I quoted Exodus 14:13 - "Stand still and see the salvation of Jehovah." Well, 2 verses later it continues: "Tell the children of Israel to go forward."

Why? Because the Lord wants us to stop for a moment and acknowledge that all good is from Him and that we can do nothing without Him. And then He wants us to keep going.

"Tell the children of Israel to go forward."