The waiting game

I often play this game with the ocean. It's a waiting game where I stand so close to the water and wait for the waves to come to me. I use it to think about how often I wait for things in life. I wrote the following last summer on August 20th 2016:

Good morning ocean! I stood on the beach in easy reach of the water. I though it was too easy, and yet it took possibly more than ten minutes and more waves than I can count till one finally got my feet. Looking to the right and left I could see that the water reached farther up on either side of me and I could see the marks on the sand to where the water kept coming to. Just missing my feet.

Maybe if I had started further back the ocean would have come to me sooner. I almost gave up waiting. Would I give up by stepping closer or stepping back? With the ocean I decided that I would give up by stepping back and not even dipping my toes in the water this morning. When I decided that, it took a few but a wave licked my toes and surrounded my feet. So I stepped confidently into the waves.

This is a metaphor for how I often view relationships. I come close, but not too close, and I wait. Sometimes I do better at waiting. Other times not so much. Of course this time my decision to turn away was what it took for the water to reach me. But it wasn't a trick. I wasn't thinking "This will get the waves to embrace me." I was thinking "I'm not going to stand and wait any longer."

In a relationship sometimes I'm not ready to make that call. I am willing to wait. Or am I? I know eventually the water will reach me. But I don't know about a guy. I don't want to dig my heals in and wait. I want to go forward and ask the sea what it wants from me because I feel sure I can make something work. But with that attitude I am not letting go. I will only trust my plan.

But I must trust the Lord's plan which means letting go of control. Walking away and seeing if the ocean will follow. But is the ocean trustworthy? Or is this metaphor bunk? I can't let go. Is it fair to ask the ocean questions? If I don't step forward but instead shout out to the ocean "Are you coming?" But the ocean cannot answer. It doesn't know.

It doesn't know and nor do I. One knows, and yet I cannot trust. I cannot turn to the One who knows. Why is it too scary to ask the Maker of tides?

Oh, oh I have moved up the beach and am sitting now and the water gets closer and closer! A sign? Literally sit back and relax. The Keeper of tides has you in His hands. He will take care of you. Trust in Him. He will give you the desires of your heart.

Nevertheless, not as I will, but as Thou wilt.