Entitlement to Neediness

When things are busy and lots is going on I don't write so much. That might make sense. Yeah, maybe I don't have as much time for writing, but that's not really the case. I mean, it is true that less time means it's harder to fit it in, but the real reason I don't write is because I don't have enough brain processing power right now. Like, I'm stressed about so many things that I can't tell if some small thing is actually stressful or if I'm making a bigger deal out of something so small because I'm stressed. It's just not a useful time to analyze my life.

But here I go anyway....

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm being a jerk or just standing up for myself. There's obviously better and worse ways to handle a situation. Kinder and meaner ways.

But I can't always tell if my reaction to something is founded or if I'm taking out my stress on someone else.

For example, sometimes I want people to give me their attention, and I don't know if I'm just being needy. Because I need them to meet me where I'm at. Like when I am stressed out and need someone to listen. Do I have a right to make a friend listen? "Make a friend listen" might seem like too strong of a statement. A real friend will listen. But always? How often do they have to listen to me, or are they allowed to have their own life and not have time for me? Are they allowed to be in a jocular mood or preoccupied with something else?

See?! This is what I mean when I say that now is not the time to analyze. I know, in my rational brain, that of course other people have lives and sometimes they are willing to listen and sometimes I listen to them and friendships are reciprocal.

It's just so much easier to feel like I have a right to talk and be heard when I am stressed out. But being stressed out does not give me some entitlement to neediness.

But sometimes I just need to unwind and it would be nice if I could come home to a cozy fire and a mug of hot chocolate and have someone say "How was your day, honey?"