Crazy is a good place to be

More crap. I have been holding off writing because I want to write at the shore, because it's beautiful and inspiring. But I have to write, even when it's not inspiring and I am not inspired. Inspiration will only come if I start writing. So even if I'm just writing the crap, I must write.

I'm packing. I'm SO excited for the shore. It's going to be so much fun! All the fun people and dishes and bacon and coffee!

I always pack too much stuff, but oh well.

Plans are crumbling around my ears! I want things to stay sane. I'm going crazy, but it's okay. Crazy is a good place to be sometimes. I just have too many expectations for how things could/should go and when they don't I can get stressed out and angry or sad.

Expectations for the day, when I'm going where, what other people are doing, but I can't control things and that's a good thing.

Then there's beyond my current day and week, and thinking about all my life and the future and not knowing how things will look in a few weeks, in a few months, in a few years. Not knowing who I will still be really good friends with and who will drift in and out of my life.

I hate not knowing things. And I hate not having control. But it's useful and necessary. Knowing the future would suck more than not knowing it. Being in control of my life would be so much worse than not being in control. It's supposed to work this way, and it scares me.