Mask Thoughts

You know when you're driving and everyone going slower than you is an idiot, while everyone going faster than you is a maniac? That's a little bit how it feels right now with this pandemic. Allow me to explain.

Everyone is doing this pandemic a little bit differently. Okay, sometimes a lot differently. The people who have slowed down and are wearing masks and social distancing are idiots while the people running ahead with life as though nothing has changed are maniacs.

Do I believe that? Not really. But the fact is that we are never going to be satisfied unless everyone is doing it exactly like we are. In other words, we want to control the world. Now more than ever. Because controlling other people's behaviors makes us feel a little bit more in control and thinking we know what's best for others at least makes us feel superior to everyone else.

I have heard lots of people talk about how the charitable thing is to wear a mask. You're wearing a mask because you love your neighbor and you want to protect them and care about them. And then you walk in your front door, take your mask off and proceed to yell at your neighbor in the privacy of your own home, or anonymously on facebook. Who knew that masks could breed so much hatred among neighbors? But the sad fact is, people are being pretty mean. Sure, be charitable and wear a mask for your neighbor, but don't badmouth and hate everyone who doesn't. That's not charity.

I have been thinking a lot about masks. Allow me to tell you my relationship with masks. For the first 4 months of quarantine I wasn't allowed to go to work, but I did some shopping for people. My OLD parents, and some other friends. I was a germaphobe. I would get to the parking lot, hand sanitize, put my mask on, re-sanitize my hands, get a clorox wipe, wipe down my cart handle and proceed to shop, being sure to maintain my distance and limit touching things I wasn't buying. When I got back to my car I would immediately hand sanitize again, load my groceries into my car, sanitize again, return cart, wiping it down for the next person, wait until I was all the way in my car before removing my mask, and then sometimes drive to a second or even third store to finish my shopping, repeating the process each time. Even if I visited 3 stores I would only have my mask on for a total of 45 minutes at a time (if the shopping took a long time).

When in the stores I saw all kinds of people wearing their masks wrong. Upside down, inside out, and more often than not, EMPLOYEES wearing their masks under their nose! I was pretty annoyed. Other customers are dumb and maybe don't know what to do, but you would expect the stores to talk to their employees and go over proper mask wearing!

I spent about 4 months being annoyed at these morons for wearing their masks wrong, but seldom changing my shopping places or doing anything about it. Just feeling annoyed.

Fast forward a few months. July! I was finally allowed to start going back to work. I was so ready. First day I sat at my computer for 3 hours trying to get everything sorted. Of course I wore a mask. But let me tell you something, my sympathy for grocery employees skyrocketed.

I discovered quickly that while wearing a mask to go grocery shopping, even wearing it continuously for a full hour didn't bother me much. Yeah, sometimes a little bit warm, or sweaty, or even itchy. It took some getting used to. But I could handle wearing it property for an hour. But once I had to be wearing it for hours at a time I desperately wished I could just wear it under my nose.

Day 1 of wearing a mask for only 3 hours and I felt a little bit light-headed and headachy. And now the days have gone on and each day I find myself needing a mask break at about an hour and a half in. I just want to rip the darn thing off my face and be done with it. But I don't. Cause rules are rules, and I'm a rule follower.

Luckily I work in a job where I can be like "Oh, man, I'm feeling faint!" and I can step outside for a few minutes to take my mask off away from others and breathe normally for a little bit. Side-note: I have never thought that breathing height of summer humid air felt so fresh and clear before!

Now imagine our grocery store workers who were thrown into having to wear masks all day, right from the start. And they can't just step away from their register once every 90 minutes to breathe normally. I don't know how often they get breaks. Cut them a little slack.

Do I think that this means it's okay to wear your mask below your nose? No. I'm just saying that I sympathize and feel much more compassion for them. If you're someone who has never worn a mask for more than an hour or so then maybe don't judge others so harshly. You don't know what it's like.

And I know I'll get some people jumping on me for things I've written here, so let me put a few more thoughts.

One: I know that nurses and doctors have it worse. I'm not gonna try and claim that my hardships of wearing a mask for 90 minutes is worse than doctors who wear them all day.

Two: Yes, I believe that masks should be worn properly. I'm not saying otherwise. I wear my mask when I'm in public and I wear it properly, covering my nose and chin.

Three: If you have kids going into school, or are someone about to go into work more or whatever, get used to wearing a mask. I thought I was prepared cause I had spent the first 4 months of quarantine wearing a mask once a week for less than an hour a day. HA!

Four: Get yourselves fun or pretty masks. I like wearing mine cause they're fun! I just want all the fun and pretty masks! I'm someone who wears mismatched socks on purpose so I can have two different pictures or patterns going on. So give me the fun and pretty masks! 

Five: This sucks. It all sucks, and when is life going to be normal again? No, I refuse to accept this as the new normal. One day we'll have sports and plays and groups of hundreds of people together again and it won't freak anyone out.

Six: Be charitable. Wear your darn mask, people!

Seven: Be charitable. That means be nice to your neighbor. Even if they're not wearing their darn mask.

My Life Is Based On A True Story

Well, that would be how things happened. I've been kinda keeping an eye on my blog and noticing that I'm nearing my 100th post. But of course, somehow I managed to un-publish one. I don't even know how one does that! So apparently I'm not very blog savvy.

I had great plans that my 100th blog post would be something clever and epic, but it wasn't. It wasn't at all. It might have been one of the most bland things I wrote!

This post however represents the start of my next 100 blog posts!

I started a blog in July. It's been somewhat steady. This year the posts have been slower in coming because I also started a daily hand written journal and so a lot of my stuff just gets written there and I don't come on my blog as often as I used to. Maybe I will write up some of my handwritten ramblings some day.

I recently was looking at some magnets with twippy sayings on them and one jumped out at me: "My life is based on a true story."

Well, as if that isn't the most obvious thing in the world! But then, think about it! Life is for real. And depending on how you wanna think about it, you are writing your own story. Or maybe you prefer to think that the Lord is writing your story. He is of course, but maybe it's kind of a choose your own adventure? We are in freedom to take any path He offers us, or to stray completely from any path at all. We can turn to page 34 or 426, depending on what we choose, or we can forge out own path, burn the book, write a different ending.

But I'm pretty sure that no matter what we choose the Lord foresaw it. So He is writing our story. Or at least righting it. No matter what we choose He will do His best to turn our choices toward use and Him.

Maybe I'm rambling. I know that I am, but I'm just too excited to slow down and organize my thoughts.

I started a blog in July. I've written over 100 posts and I am grateful for the encouragement and feedback that I have received. I really do hope that my blog is inspirational to others and is useful to someone other than me, but I also know that it is useful to me whether others get it or not.

I love to write. I've been writing for as long as I can remember. I REALLY wish that I could find the story of Toodles and Cindle that I wrote when I was like 4 or something.

I have been writing.

When I was 12 I wrote some never-ending, excessively long story about some royal families and all the people falling in love. It was over 300 pages, typed, single-spaced. It was called "The Story" and it got too big to fit on one floppy disk so I had to split the file so that I could back it up. I have so many partial stories sitting in files on my computer waiting for something to happen.

Seriously the only story I ever finished (other than Toodles and Cindles when I was around 5) was a sorta Frog Prince parody called "The Invisible Prince".

I thought it was cute and okay but had some serious problems. This summer one of my friends read it aloud to me and another friend and that moment changed the way I view my writing. It was one of the scariest things to sit there, crimson-faced while my story was being read out loud! I still cringe a little thinking about it. But they were laughing and enjoying something I had written, and I had a little epiphany that maybe my writing was okay. Maybe people would actually enjoy reading stuff I write!

So, through these friends I developed the courage to at least start a blog. It took me a few more months to start sharing posts on facebook and actually letting people read it! But it has been a great outlet for me.

I love a lot of things, but I didn't realize that I could actually be good at any of them. Painting took me completely my surprise! I'm no da Vinci... yet. But I found that I could never become a good writer or a great painter without trying. Practice is necessary, frustrating, and fun.

I enjoy painting, even when the end result looks like a 2 year old painted it. I enjoy writing, even if I misuse "it's".

I enjoy it, so I do it, and I progress.

My life is based on a true story. It's the story that I make it to be. I get to choose my own adventure. And by golly, I'm gonna choose it!

Wicked

I have lived in the Philly area for the past 18 and a half years. I have visited Philly a few times for various things, but I'm not really a city girl. But still, having lived right between two major U.S. cities for 18 years, you would think that I would have visited New York or D.C. but you would be wrong.

I am also a fan of music and musicals. Well, at least well done ones.... I loved seeing the Phantom of the Opera and The Scarlet Pimpernel in Philly, but never have I ever been to Broadway.

Until now.

My 30th birthday was in January. Yeah, like forever ago. And a very dear friend decided it was time that I went to NYC and Broadway, so she got contributions from my friends and bought me two Broadway tickets so I could go with a friend at some point.

Well, life got busy. Now it's November, and finally, yesterday, I went to NYC. Now, as previously said, I'm not a city girl, I would have been on my phone all day with my gps open and it probably would not have been that great a trip. But I brought my friend Leanna with me and she knows her way around!

I didn't choose her for her navigation skills. I chose her because she's fantastic human who I love and feel completely comfortable with. Indeed it wasn't until we were on the train to the city and wandering the streets of Manhattan that I realized just how much she knows her way around. She had all these ideas for fun and/or iconic things to see in the city within an easy walking distance of the station. Even so, according to my phone, we spent just about 3 hours of the day walking, and walked over 20,800 steps!

We went St Patrick's Cathedral, Time Square, Rockefeller Center, Central Park, Fika - a Swedish pastry shop, Dylan's Candy Bar, The East River, The Little Beet, and of course the Gershwin Theater to see Wicked.

I really enjoyed seeing some of the iconic places like Time Square and Central Park, but I have to say, my favorite things were random little places Leanna found. Fika was one of my favorite places because it was just a cute little cultural nook. We got cardamon rolls and I got spicy hot chocolate which is one of my favorite drinks! Now I with I need to visit Scandinavia!

We went a lot of places, and Wicked inspired all the feels! And I have to say, it was quite something rushing the train at the end of the day!

All in all, it was one lovely day in the Big Apple with a great friend!

Life keeps getting better

I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. Meaning, sometimes I don't like to talk about things for fear of jinxing them.

But here goes anyway. Why do people ever want to have more than one 29th birthday? Can I tell you something? I was 29 once, and I don't want to be 29 again. Don't get me wrong, 29 was a pretty good year. I made an awesome movie with a friend. Yep, 29 was awesome. But there was also some pretty shitty stuff too. Well, not quite shitty, but I did sit on my doorstep one evening and cry over a boy. And I guess I continued to feel pretty miserable about how that brief relationship ended for several months.

But anyhow, the main thing I wanted to say is I turned 30 at the beginning of this year. I felt great on my birthday. I sat at home, waiting to head up to a party one of my best friends was throwing for me. And she's a sweetheart, cause it was her birthday too, and yet she threw me a party! But as I sat, waiting I pulled out my ukulele. I knew a very few basic chords and I knew how to strum up and down and that was it. Nevertheless I was in a good mood so I recorded a song.

Thus began my resolution to learn my ukulele and record at least one song a month for 2017. I think by now I recorded 21 songs. Or at least I've posted 21 snippets on instagram. And I played my ukulele at two open mic nights. I'm still not good, but I don't even care. I am better than I was and I love playing my ukulele.

Also this year I have managed to do Duolingo every single day. I'm learning Dutch in case I ever go to Belgium. Haha, what a random statement. I should probably post an entire blog post about this. But where was I?

Ah yes, this year has been great! Right at the end of 2016 a dear friend got me back into Contra dancing. Contra is amazing! I feel like it's the closest human beings will ever come to flying. I soar when I am dancing and my heart almost always explodes with happiness.

Some time in February I met a human at Contra who changed my life. That might sounds cliche or trite, but I don't know how else to put it. And maybe it is trite. "Changed my life" is too mild for what it is anyhow. Every person I meet changes my life. But this person has offered more encouragement and kindness than I knew existed.

I have loved writing my entire life. I have already written about that here, but I didn't know that I could write until this friend made me believe it. Over the course of two nights, much to my chagrin, he read aloud a story I wrote to me and another friend and they both enjoyed it so much that for the first time in my life I believed that I could write. He is the reason I started this blog. Yes, 30 has been a good year.

I already mentioned my article that was published earlier this week... I don't think I would have written that without the encouragement and support of this friend.

And my paintings. I did a month of watercolor two years ago, but this year I did a month of oils and am now working on improving my drawing skills (Yeah, so what? I go about art rather sporadically!). Oils were so much fun. So were watercolor two years ago. But this year I actually feel like an artist.

I have never allowed myself to apply terms like "writer" or "artist" to myself, because I have always considered myself mediocre at best.

This year I have decided that I don't care how good I am, I love to write. I love to draw. I love to paint. I love to play my ukulele. I don't care if I'm good at these things or not, because I love them.

I think that I can say that 30 has been the best year of my life to date. I have the best friends and so much encouragement and kindness from them. I feel inspired and full of life. I feel confidence in the Lord.

I know that life is cyclical. I go through times of being happy and great and times of life being hard, but I will keep on moving forward with the sure knowledge that the Lord is with me.

I can write.

I decided (at least for a week) to embrace my writing. A dear friend has encouraged me greatly. Told me repeatedly that I am a good writer. It's feel so much easier to protest and drag up all the things that I don't like about my writing. So, for at least a week I am going to embrace my writing as good writing.

I sometimes mix up aught and ought, or brainlessly use the wrong they're/their/there. But somehow knowing that I do know the correct rules makes me feel better about screwing up. Which is weird because I usually think that ignorance is actually better than knowing what's right and wrong and then just going ahead with what's wrong. Whatever, I think my writing is good.

A friend recently asked me, "What is good writing?" I've been thinking about this. Thinking about what I like about my favorite authors. Do I like certain authors or certain books? Do some authors write consistently good things? I think about JK Rowling. I read all the Harry Potter books and loved them. I guess I haven't tried reading her other books, but I didn't even feel compelled to.

I think I usually get into stories, seldom into authors. I'm trying to think of any author that I just had to read everything he wrote.... I think I read everything by Jane Austen. A lot of stuff by C.S. Lewis. A lot of George Mac Donald and a lot of A.A. Milne. Oh and pretty much everything by Kathryn Worth, Ethel Cook Elliot, Kate Seredy, and Baroness Orczy. Wait, nope. That's not true. I didn't read anything by Orczy except for her Scarlet Pimpernel books. I mean, she wrote like 15 of those and I read them all, but I don't think I read anything else by her.

Woah, that was fun! I didn't realize how many authors I admire! I was thinking it would be like 3. But that was 8! I think I was thinking it wouldn't be that many because I was thinking of generally admired authors where I liked some of their books but wasn't crazy about reading all of them like some people do. So authors like Terry Pratchett, Lousia May Alcott, Lucy Maud Montgomery, JK Rowling, JRR Tolkien etc who people just adore.... I mean, I like some of their novels. Maybe even some of my favorite books, but I didn't care about eating up everything they wrote. And I can also think of several of my favorite books but I didn't care about reading more by that author. M.M. Kaye is a perfect example of that. The Ordinary Princess is one of my favorite books, but it's the only children's book she wrote and I didn't want to read any of her long epics. Ella Enchanted is another great one. Can't remember the author this moment, but I read some of her other books and they were fine but not great. And Elizabeth Pope Osbourne (I think that's her name) who wrote Sherwood Ring. SUCH a good book, but I read another by her and it was, again, fine, but not anywhere as good as Sherwood Ring.

So going back to the aforementioned 8 authors. What makes their writing so good that I will read anything they write including a shopping list?!

I'm not gonna answer that just now. I'm gonna focus on what I think is NOT good writing for a moment.

Depressing (in and of itself) is not good writing! Adult content is not good writing. It doesn't have to be compelling, dramatic stuff. Ok, the reverse of good writing is getting me no where. I'm really thinking about A.A. Milne, one of my all time favorite authors. I've even read more than just Winnie the Pooh, but Winnie the Pooh is some of my favorite literature. Why?

(Sidenote a couple with a baby just walked into Starbuck and I desperately want to just go ask them if I can hold their baby! Tears. Eyes. Stinging. Agh!)

It is simple and straight to the point. There is no floweriness about the descriptions. It's just so beautifully crafted! It's heart warming and so very real! I'm sure a lot of it is affection for the books read to me in my childhood, but it's so much more than that because I love the word choices and the capitalization of Important Words. It's just so wonderful! And so much of it is the simplicity!

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
"Pooh!" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you.”

I think this is one of my favorite things in all of literature. Why is it so beautiful? Why does it tug at my heart strings and warm it all at once?

And another perfect description!

“Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully.
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever."
"And he has Brain."
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."
There was a long silence.
"I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything.”

I'm sure people have tried to explain the above concept and it takes them entire books and they would never be able to say it that perfectly and concisely.

Winnie the Pooh is full of these one liners that just convey so much truth in one tiny little bite. And it is so endearing and beautiful!

Well, when my friend asked me (I believe after midnight) what makes good writing I didn't have an answer so I asked him right back and he said something like "Someone who writes the truth." I almost wish that I hadn't asked him, because now I feel like I am just stealing his answer. Would I have come up with that on my own? I just came to that conclusion about A.A. Milne without even trying. It's just so obvious.

So, trying to be original and think about what I love about my favorite stories... AH ha! This sentence just discovered something for me. I try too hard to be original! I try to write stories that are new and different and have something new to offer. I want my blog posts to discover some new idea. I want to be original, but original is NOT what makes for good writing. Truth IS what makes for good writing. So if it's true it's gonna be something someone else has said. I don't have to look for originality and saying something in a new and different way. I just need to stick to telling the truth and letting the words come.

"And that's the whole poem," he said. "Do you like it, Piglet?"
"All except the shillings," said Piglet. "I don't think they ought to be there."
"They wanted to come in after the pounds," explained Pooh, " so I let them. It is the best way to write poetry, letting things come."
"Oh, I didn't know," said Piglet.

Why me?

Sometimes in a pickle we find ourselves asking "Why me?"

Why did this have to happen to me?

Do you ever ask yourself, "Why not me?" It's kinda the same question. But I mean it flipped.

We do often look at misfortune befalling another and one of two things could happen. You could say "Why did that have to happen to such a wonderful person?!"  but you could also say, "Glad it wasn't me!"

I don't think of myself as a masochist or wanting anything bad to befall me, but sometimes I look at a friend and genuinely wish that the bad thing had happened to me instead.

Example: My friend got cancer. She's married with two small kids. I genuinely wish that I had gotten cancer instead of her. Maybe it's weird, but she has a beautiful life, and while I do love my life, I don't have two small kids who I now cannot even pick up and hold.

In short, I'm expendable and she's not. That might seem harsh and like a terrible thing to say about myself, and I don't mean it quite as badly as all that. Maybe the truth is that I should not view myself as expendable. I should realize my value to this world, and I do, at times.

But this isn't meant to be a depressing post. I just wish that sometimes I could take the fatigue or sickness from a friend so that they could go on and power through the hardships of their life! How do I take some of the burden from my friends so that they can go forward in strength?